Dear Mom or What I Should Have Told You Sooner
We have talked a lot over the years. We’ve shared tears of joy and tears of the deepest pain. We’ve shared clothes and makeup and a love of thrift stores and turning trash in to treasure. We’ve gabbed about world events and current affairs and that cute actor, what’s-his-name’s butt. For nearly 30 years we’ve shared life together, and yet there is so much I feel I should have told you..
I’ve should have told you what that moment when you stood next to me at graduation meant to me. I only made it to that stage because of you. You will never know how desperately I clung to you in those high school years, with your voice in my head.
Also, I should have told you how you looked at me on my wedding day – full of pride and joy that rivaled my own. You have only ever wanted love for me.
I should have told you how much I hated that haircut in elementary school.
I should have told you how proud I am of you for the woman you are and you’re impossible strength as a human.
Also, I should have told you sooner how beautiful and strong you are and how grateful I am that you passed that strength and tenacity on to me.
I should have told you that I have spent most of my life trying to be worthy of you – I just want to make you proud.
I should have told you how hard it is for me to tell you my failures because the thought of disappointing you terrifies me.
I should have told you that you are my best friend.
And I should have told you how much I love our deep conversations on life. I learn so much from you.
I should have told you how I cannot fathom doing this life without you.
I should have told you sorry for all the times I meant to call and didn’t.
I should have told you that I owe all my creativity and love of words and photography
I should have told you thank you for never stifling my personality and for just letting me be me.
And then I should have told you thank you for not giving me up or giving up on me.
I should have told you how desperately I wish I lived closer to you.
And I should have told you how unspeakably proud I am to be your daughter and how I hope one day I can pass all you’ve taught me down to my daughter.
And lastly I should have told you how glad I am that it’s not too late to share with you how much I love you.
For everything that you’ve done and everything you continue to do, my gratitude is not sufficient.
I love you mom. Muchos Smoochos.