I am a woman constantly seeking. Seeking to find something, to remember something, or to do something. Never quite content in my pursuits. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. I am forever being pulled in a million different directions unsure of which to give in to and which to accept as passing fancy. For I am also a woman of passion. Not an inherently evil quality, but it does leave me more often than not with more questions than answers. Add to all of this that I am single-minded to the point of recklessness, well…the end result is often a “stalemate” of sorts. A, since-I-can’t-do-everything-I’ll-just-do-nothing, sort of ploy (Did I mention I’m also a perfectionist?). All of that to say, I am a woman seeking balance.
How to pursue this elusive element, balance? By its very nature, balance is a delicate and fragile thing. Prone to break at even the slightest of touch. Yet balance also has a quiet strength and beauty. It is not loud or boisterous. It’s not demanding or self-seeking. It is harmonious and symbiotic to the very core. At it’s finest, balance is a truly Utopian ideal. Uncommon in its existence yet heralded as the one bringer of true inner peace. So while the nature of balance may be a harmonious one, human nature is quite the opposite – or at least I am. Constantly overdoing, or under doing and yes, forever seeking.
But what if that’s just it. What if the problem is that I am chasing after balance as though it were something to be caught, rather than an ideal only imbued by sitting still and allowing it to come to me? Is it possible that I’ve been going about this all wrong? How could I have missed the mark so badly? And, if this is true, where to go from here.
I believe the answer is multi-tiered and not nearly as simple as I’d like it to be. It requires letting go of expectations – our own and those placed on us by others. Not that we shouldn’t strive to do our best in all that we are tasked with, but it’s about doing what we can, when we can and knowing that this is enough. It’s about having goals with grace and taking simple intentional actions every day to reach those goals and knowing, again, that this must be enough.
See balance isn’t really that elusive when you consider that balance is really just an equal share in all things. Equal parts, faith, work and love. Not too much or this or that, but a healthy serving of all the best offerings that life has to give. Travel some, then go home and rest. Work some, play some, allowing both to bring meaning and fulfillment in their own unique way. As the saying goes, “We can’t do everything, but we can do something.” This – this must be enough.
My goal for the rest of this year is to trust my heart and stop standing still. To take action, however small it may be, and not be afraid of failing. To not feel guilty for taking time for myself to rest but also not letting that rest become an excuse. To have grace and accept the things I cannot change but boldly dare to change the things I can. To open my heart to the possibility of a life well lived – and to start living it.